I rewrote my major conflict scene with Magnifying Conflict in mind. It actually was about two pages long. I did go with the extreme on it. It was an interesting exercise, but I found that at the end, I scaled a lot of it back. I think it was actually better with less details. The scene now has one aspect that was not even hinted in my original rough draft. I added a line in a more dramatic scene which is more humorous. I was attempting to keep people on their toes, I suppose. Since my ending was considered jarring, I thought having another line that might seem a bit out of place would actually benefit the story. Also because of this exercise, my human antagonist was altered. In my mind I saw him a certain way, but decided to add some details so others might see him a certain way too. That made me add two lines to my closing. I think it improved the story. I hope it did.
The In-Class Revision exercise helped the most. Though it was not done in the exact way of the book stated, I think I followed it pretty well. I printed out my story along with the comments from Dr. Lacina, and comments from classmates that I deemed very important and inciteful. I also had a section of what they liked too...just so I didn't cut out something others seemed to enjoy. The In-Class Revision is made up of a large amount of exercises. Because of comments, I changed some of the dialogue, and greatly revised the opening third. It has a lot of the same details, but the whole style was changed. Though I am unsure if I technically started the story in the right place (the middle), I still think the beginning of my story started with the right line. Another thing I wonder if I succeeded or failed at was if my title was just thrown at the top of the page or chosen with care. I did not use my first title choice, but did use the one I thought of right before I posted my rough draft. I was planning on changing it for the final version...but I grew to really like the title. It does fit with the story, and in my mind means a few different things. It can be interpreted a few different ways. The only thing that might not make it a good title is that it is a Spanish title in an all English story. There was reasoning behind it though.
The With Revision Comes Final Meaning exercise reminds me of the last short story discussion we did - which I think was the worst posting I did for a discussion. I attempted to do the same thing with this. Because of this exercise, and also feedback from others, my story was altered a bit. I know what my final meaning is, and I hope it came across. It is not incredibly deep and philosophical...but I do have a meaning.
When all is said and done, I know that some will not care for my story. That is to be expected...with basically anything I write. I have trouble with Hollywood endings...and I like open-ended stories too. This one is a bit more tightly wrapped up than I expected (and wanted) it to be, but my outcome differed from what I expected it to be. I had a vision of how the story was going to end, but as I was writing, I knew that vision was to be scrapped. So...I just wrote and had the ending reveal itself to me, instead of me trying to force it to what I expected. (That last sentence makes me sound insane).
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
What guys talk about while shopping.
“You know me…you know that right? You owe me.”
“Yeah, ok…I owe you. Whatever,” Tyler responded in an exasperated tone. He was pushing a shopping cart up and down aisles as Zachary randomly threw items in to it.
“I was suspended because of you. Hell…I was almost arrested!”
Yellow, rubber, cleaning gloves were tossed in to the cart, landing by a spool of twine. Zachary was moving up and down the aisles in a skittish manner, often backtracking, picking up an item and then putting it back on the hooks. Tyler kept up, even with the cart’s bad left, front wheel that he had to constantly fight with.
“Ok! I get it. I just don’t know why we are doing something this stupid. Why a UPS truck?”
“Because,” Zachary responded with surprise, “it’s like friggin Christmas.”
For the next fifteen minutes as they wandered around the store. Zachary shared his memories of riding the school bus down the dirt road, and seeing a UPS truck on the side of the road. Every day, it seemed to be there – but no driver. Tyler asked how he knew that the truck wasn’t abandoned, but Zachary knew that it was never in the exact location, just the same close proximity. Zachary told Tyler that anyone can rob a bank. Once you rob a bank, you know what you got. Money. The thrill is gone the moment you got away. With a UPS truck, the thrill continues. Every package that they steal is a mystery. You never know what you are going to get.
“So…you would rather have mystery instead of guaranteed millions? It seems more logical to get a big score.”
“Ty, don’t be so friggin stupid! I saved your ass from getting busted with just some stupid weed. You can’t talk about a big score when you risk prison for pot? What the hell?”
“Yeah, now I am going to go to jail for a box probably containing ShamWows instead.” Tyler was nervous about this plan – this stunt. It was irrational. He knew that Zachary had too much dirt on him, and saved him from getting in trouble for pot possession. Still…his nerves were increasing. “Ok…can we talk about the plan again?”
Zachary proceeded to tell his plans, taking momentary pauses to compare items such as bolt cutters. They will leave school early, and start driving down the road forty-five minutes before the school bus usually passes by. For every question Tyler asked, Zachary could respond. If the truck wasn’t there, they would keep making passes – the dirt road seldom had traffic, and was surrounded by six foot high corn fields. There was little chance of being noticed. If they get to the truck, and the driver is there, they could just pretend to be concerned citizens and making sure the driver and vehicle were ok. Zachary pulled out his cell phone to show Tyler the pictures he took of the UPS truck on the daily visits. He explained that he has been studying the vehicle, and appears that a decent, heavy duty bolt cutter should be able to get the inside the cargo area of the truck. The rubber gloves will let them leave no prints. The twine and duct tape are precautionary items. They might be used to secure packages…or if the driver comes back, they can tie him up. The utility knife is for opening packages, cutting the twine, or used as a weapon if necessary. Zachary’s voice got more animated and the words spewed out of his mouth faster and faster as he described the plan. It was child-like excitement mixed with devious desires.
“And Kobalt tools are on sale, so we are even saving money!” Zachary exclaimed. By this time Tyler could no longer tell if Zachary was joking.
The disagreement on transportation was quickly solved. Zachary’s exuberant plans contrasted with Tyler’s mixed feelings of remaining logical, and controlling the nervousness. They agreed that stealing a car would be better than borrowing a vehicle. The risk of stealing a car was deemed by both to be less than getting caught with a borrowed vehicle. Tyler knew from selling pot behind the 7-11, that often drivers left their vehicles running on lottery days. The customers seem to think it is safe, since they will only be inside long enough to buy a few tickets, and the car is right outside the window. A vehicle would be easy to quickly take. They could ditch the car quickly.
This revelation had Zachary sprinting off, and Tyler trying to follow while combating the shopping cart that constantly veered to the left. Zachary found the item he was looking for and made it back to Tyler, whose nervousness was now being replaced by annoyance with the cart. Zachary tossed a red, plastic gas container in the cart.
“We can burn the vehicle when we are done. Now, let’s head to the plywood.”
As they went down the plywood aisle, Zachary explained how he saw on CSI episodes that the investigators could see footprints, tell what size feet they have, and what style of shoes they wear. Also, they could probably compare dirt samples from the road and match it to the shoes. If they cut plywood and make it like big wooden snowshoes, it would leave no tracks, and the crime scene people couldn’t tell how big their feet were. Tyler fought against this idea, stating they have no way of cutting the plywood without someone knowing. He also didn’t believe the local police had the same technology as on television. Even with his protests Zachary was insistent that their footprints should be disguised.
“What about wood shims, Zach? They are cheaper than plywood, and we can glue them on shoes. They won’t leave tread marks, and won’t give our shoe size away. Also…if we get caught, I don’t know if we can escape running in plywood snowshoes.”
“That is the first friggin bright idea you had all day! Ok…we can do that,” Zachary stated as he started grabbing packages of wood shims.
“Or…we could just go to the Salvation Army, get shoes that are too big or small, and wear them. They are probably so worn they can’t even get a tread print.”
Zachary tossed the wood shims back in the bin. His smile was enough communication to show his approval. They both made their way to the checkout in silence. No plans were stated as the cashier rang up their purchase. Tyler felt that the cheap, green, plastic flower-watering pot that Zachary threw in the cart to “disguise their purchases” was a stupid idea, but he started thinking that the overall plan could work.
As they walked across the parking lot to Tyler’s old, beat-up Stratus, Tyler blurted out “wouldn’t it be funny if the keys are in the truck’s ignition, and all of this is for nothing?”
“You, my friend, are a friggin idiot,” Zachary responded with a laugh.
“Yeah, ok…I owe you. Whatever,” Tyler responded in an exasperated tone. He was pushing a shopping cart up and down aisles as Zachary randomly threw items in to it.
“I was suspended because of you. Hell…I was almost arrested!”
Yellow, rubber, cleaning gloves were tossed in to the cart, landing by a spool of twine. Zachary was moving up and down the aisles in a skittish manner, often backtracking, picking up an item and then putting it back on the hooks. Tyler kept up, even with the cart’s bad left, front wheel that he had to constantly fight with.
“Ok! I get it. I just don’t know why we are doing something this stupid. Why a UPS truck?”
“Because,” Zachary responded with surprise, “it’s like friggin Christmas.”
For the next fifteen minutes as they wandered around the store. Zachary shared his memories of riding the school bus down the dirt road, and seeing a UPS truck on the side of the road. Every day, it seemed to be there – but no driver. Tyler asked how he knew that the truck wasn’t abandoned, but Zachary knew that it was never in the exact location, just the same close proximity. Zachary told Tyler that anyone can rob a bank. Once you rob a bank, you know what you got. Money. The thrill is gone the moment you got away. With a UPS truck, the thrill continues. Every package that they steal is a mystery. You never know what you are going to get.
“So…you would rather have mystery instead of guaranteed millions? It seems more logical to get a big score.”
“Ty, don’t be so friggin stupid! I saved your ass from getting busted with just some stupid weed. You can’t talk about a big score when you risk prison for pot? What the hell?”
“Yeah, now I am going to go to jail for a box probably containing ShamWows instead.” Tyler was nervous about this plan – this stunt. It was irrational. He knew that Zachary had too much dirt on him, and saved him from getting in trouble for pot possession. Still…his nerves were increasing. “Ok…can we talk about the plan again?”
Zachary proceeded to tell his plans, taking momentary pauses to compare items such as bolt cutters. They will leave school early, and start driving down the road forty-five minutes before the school bus usually passes by. For every question Tyler asked, Zachary could respond. If the truck wasn’t there, they would keep making passes – the dirt road seldom had traffic, and was surrounded by six foot high corn fields. There was little chance of being noticed. If they get to the truck, and the driver is there, they could just pretend to be concerned citizens and making sure the driver and vehicle were ok. Zachary pulled out his cell phone to show Tyler the pictures he took of the UPS truck on the daily visits. He explained that he has been studying the vehicle, and appears that a decent, heavy duty bolt cutter should be able to get the inside the cargo area of the truck. The rubber gloves will let them leave no prints. The twine and duct tape are precautionary items. They might be used to secure packages…or if the driver comes back, they can tie him up. The utility knife is for opening packages, cutting the twine, or used as a weapon if necessary. Zachary’s voice got more animated and the words spewed out of his mouth faster and faster as he described the plan. It was child-like excitement mixed with devious desires.
“And Kobalt tools are on sale, so we are even saving money!” Zachary exclaimed. By this time Tyler could no longer tell if Zachary was joking.
The disagreement on transportation was quickly solved. Zachary’s exuberant plans contrasted with Tyler’s mixed feelings of remaining logical, and controlling the nervousness. They agreed that stealing a car would be better than borrowing a vehicle. The risk of stealing a car was deemed by both to be less than getting caught with a borrowed vehicle. Tyler knew from selling pot behind the 7-11, that often drivers left their vehicles running on lottery days. The customers seem to think it is safe, since they will only be inside long enough to buy a few tickets, and the car is right outside the window. A vehicle would be easy to quickly take. They could ditch the car quickly.
This revelation had Zachary sprinting off, and Tyler trying to follow while combating the shopping cart that constantly veered to the left. Zachary found the item he was looking for and made it back to Tyler, whose nervousness was now being replaced by annoyance with the cart. Zachary tossed a red, plastic gas container in the cart.
“We can burn the vehicle when we are done. Now, let’s head to the plywood.”
As they went down the plywood aisle, Zachary explained how he saw on CSI episodes that the investigators could see footprints, tell what size feet they have, and what style of shoes they wear. Also, they could probably compare dirt samples from the road and match it to the shoes. If they cut plywood and make it like big wooden snowshoes, it would leave no tracks, and the crime scene people couldn’t tell how big their feet were. Tyler fought against this idea, stating they have no way of cutting the plywood without someone knowing. He also didn’t believe the local police had the same technology as on television. Even with his protests Zachary was insistent that their footprints should be disguised.
“What about wood shims, Zach? They are cheaper than plywood, and we can glue them on shoes. They won’t leave tread marks, and won’t give our shoe size away. Also…if we get caught, I don’t know if we can escape running in plywood snowshoes.”
“That is the first friggin bright idea you had all day! Ok…we can do that,” Zachary stated as he started grabbing packages of wood shims.
“Or…we could just go to the Salvation Army, get shoes that are too big or small, and wear them. They are probably so worn they can’t even get a tread print.”
Zachary tossed the wood shims back in the bin. His smile was enough communication to show his approval. They both made their way to the checkout in silence. No plans were stated as the cashier rang up their purchase. Tyler felt that the cheap, green, plastic flower-watering pot that Zachary threw in the cart to “disguise their purchases” was a stupid idea, but he started thinking that the overall plan could work.
As they walked across the parking lot to Tyler’s old, beat-up Stratus, Tyler blurted out “wouldn’t it be funny if the keys are in the truck’s ignition, and all of this is for nothing?”
“You, my friend, are a friggin idiot,” Zachary responded with a laugh.
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